Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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