so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
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