I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
