She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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