Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
