This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
