just come out here and I will go home with you...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
