if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
