i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
