I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
