Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
