I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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