she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
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