i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
