Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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