and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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