pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
