when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
