Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
