There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize