Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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