He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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