I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
FUCK WHALES
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize