for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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