What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize