I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
