ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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