cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
