Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize