can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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