Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize