Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
