How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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