I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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