So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
