Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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