Please, let me fuck your mom
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you had me at cake vodka
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
