is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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