she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
