its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i think im in europe. pls send help
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
