is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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