what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
