It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
