guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
