you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize