know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
