fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
