help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
