We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
