Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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