if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
