What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
