I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
