hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
