Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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