and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
