Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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