Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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