I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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