Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
