I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
