sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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