If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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