On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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