you guys were way drunker than both of me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
how drunk are you?
Several
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
