I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
