Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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