I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
