I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
