I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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