My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
