I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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