hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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