do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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