At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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