I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
