the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
