I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
handjob tips. give me some.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
