It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
