he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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