dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize