So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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