she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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