you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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