What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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