I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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