I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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