Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
