i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
