i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
