so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
