sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize