whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Randomize
