All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
