is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
