I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
