How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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