My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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