somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
