So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
