i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
