ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
