I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
