so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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