I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
