Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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