He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
