Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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