just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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