So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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