My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
