You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
