So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
