Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
