OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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