Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
