Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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