of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
