i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
